A few weeks ago I woke up to a series of message that weren’t expected, but also were not a surprise. The soon to be ex-wife of my ex-husband reached out, and apologized to me. She also asked me for help dealing with him. She shared some stories of her experience with him (8 years) – a lot of it is similar to my story.

Before I share more, I want to qualify a few things:

1. My ex has really REALLY scaled back the coercive behaviors in our co-parenting dynamics in recent months (THANK YOU)…. Maybe its because his soon to be ex wife Rebecca is his current “supply” for that type of energy as they are in their own legal situation. Maybe he really was changed by the spirit of Jesus. Maybe he really is practicing the Let Them Theory successfully. Maybe. I don’t have an explanation, but since Rebecca left him, he has essentially treated me the way he should have all along. (Which initially made me think she was the one instigating his extreme behaviors toward me during their relationship, but in my initial conversations with her it seems she was unaware of a lot of the post separation abuse tactics he engaged in while they were together….).

2. I in no way want to stick my fist in a beehive and get swarmed – but it feels disingenuous not to share this recent development here on the blog. While he is treating me better, he has not voluntarily gone to court and undone the legal damage he caused. He has not publicly acknowledged to his audience the hypocritically coercive behaviors he has exerted with regard to me, the children, and his soon to be ex-wife. His audience specifically follows him for non-coercive, non-state, voluntary solutions to society’s problems, I know because many of them have reached out to me in horror when they find out about his behavior behind closed doors. They bought freedom courses, not knowing that their purchasing of said courses from him was literally funding the exact opposite of what he preaches (legal coercion against mom, removal of homeschool, weaponizing bus life, homeschooling, travel, and other known “freedom” lifestyle strategies that he attacked me for in court). Two things can be true at once — He has improved his treatment of me, one, and he still need to be held accountable for his past crimes against my freedom and my motherhood, two. If you want receipts – message me for a password to this protected blog post: Homeschool Hypocrite: The John Bush Controversy

3. This woman participated in his post separation abuse of me. Her behaviors resulted in trauma for both the children and myself. Acknowledging that she was a victim of coercive control does not take away the damage she has done, or absolve her from her own aggression against my family. Again, if you want receipts – message me for a password to this protected blog post: Homeschool Hypocrite: The John Bush Controversy

Talk about a nervous system activator!!! Whew! I am SO SO Glad I’ve done the work to heal my cPTSD so I can hear these stories without having a full body PTSD reaction. She was also apparently diagnosed with cPTSD after leaving him (This is what she told me directly). Two wives diagnosed with cPTSD after marriage to him…..

I am not going to tell her story for her – she has posted a video asking for help and describing some of what she is currently going through. I took a screen shot that, and posted a link to it so you can choose to go hear her in her own words, or not.

The night before I received these messages I sat up reading a couple very long messages that I never actually sent to Rebecca. They were responses to horrible things she had sent myself, or sent my husband, or posted to the public (including threats of CPS and indicating that somehow the kids would be better off without me in their lives). I had responded to things she said line by line, but rarely would I send such response letters because I knew she would not hear what I was saying. She used these exact words when she wrote me yesterday, “I was brainwashed”.

Me too, girlfriend, meeeee tooooo.

Within 24 hours of going down that rabbit hole of unsent messages, I received a series of telegram messages from her that were completely different from the way she treated me while married to our mutual ex. Instead of attacking me and smearing everything about me, she apologized. It does not, and cannot, undo the damage that was done during the course of her participation of / enabling of abusive behaviors directed at me during their marriage – but it allows me to offer her genuine solace in a time of great distress.

I believe harming the mother of a child harms the child. Plain and simple. She’s agreed to go to therapy with me, and has invited me on her podcast to talk about our stories. We’ll see how therapy goes, and maybe one day you will hear us share our stories together from a place of healing. I definitely have no interest in a mutual public trauma dump.

Thanks for reaching out and apologizing, Rebecca. And truly, from the bottom of my heart, thanks for treating me better, John. We are making progress here. Accountability is working.

Disclaimer: This post reflects my personal experience and opinion, I believe all statements to be true.